High Tides
by arcticponkey
Summary: Karmy with traces of Kiam. Set directly after the final episode of the first season. While Liam is blinded with anger and Amy completely retreats into her shell, Karma is utterly confused. There's only one thing Karma knows for sure: She can't lose the one person that means the most to her.
1. Restless

**Author's note:**

**After the final episode of the first season, I was thinking quite hard about how they are going to continue the story from now on. There are probably a million ways to go on now, but what you are about to read is what I came up with, or rather what I'm expecting from the characters now. **

**I hope you enjoy the first bit. Please tell me what you think by leaving a review behind. If you want to point out grammatical mistakes, please do so! 'Cause I'm a German who wants to improve on writing English :)**

* * *

The first time I had called was in the middle of the night. After having awoken from a restless sleep because of some bizarre feeling, I had instinctively used speed dial before my eyes even had the chance to adjust to the shallow light of my bedside lamp.

"Hey, it's me, sorry for calling this late, It's just that I was suddenly having a bad feeling and I wanted to make sure you're okay. I guess you're already asleep, though. I hope I didn't wake you with this. Have a good night."

Just like the action itself, my sleep-drunken words to the voicemail recorder had come so naturally to me, that only afterwards I had noticed how inappropriate they were. Simply, because they had ignored everything that had happened the previous evening.

That's why I had called again, immediately after having awoken for the second time that day.

"Hi, me again. First off all I wanted to apologise for my last call, I didn't mean to act as though nothing had happened. Can we meet up for a late breakfast or lunch? We should talk."

After ending the call, I had felt quite optimistic about the situation. Sure, I had only talked to voicemail again, but it was still early and I guess my mum had been right when saying that "the world looks different in the morning". Feeling oddly vitalized, I had jumped out of bed and even hummed to myself as I showered.

However, said optimism had started to fade when three more hours had passed without the slightest beep from my phone. My parents were off visiting some friends, which had left me on my own. Thus it hadn't taken long before I started pacing. Only a few moments later I had literally dove for my phone.

"Me again. I hope you're just busy and not ignoring me on purpose. Please call me back when you get the chance, I really wanna explain myself and try to fix this. Please give me the chance to. Call me, okay?"

When my parents had returned at around 3PM, I had lied to my mother. While I had answered her question on how things were going with a simple "Fine", I honestly felt like I was about to burst. Something inside of me was out of balance, making me nervous and anxious at a constant basis. I had fled from my parents with the help of another small lie when I knew for sure that I couldn't stop the matching tears to said state anymore.

Sitting with my back against the door for a while, the tears soon had turned into angry ones. With a force, I had pulled my phone out of my pocket, clicking speed dial in the process.

"Look, I get it okay, you don't wanna talk to me right now. But you could at least answer my texts and let me know that you are save. Is that too much to ask for now?!"

I had thrown my phone in the far corner of my room after that – which was only a few seconds ago.

Now, as I sat there on the floor of my room, listening to nothing but the deafening silence of this saturday afternoon, I realized I had never felt so scared before in my entire life. I also realized that it made me act like an asshole. Therefore, not only a minute after I had rid myself off my phone, I crawled back after it. As I heard the beeping noise of my dialing phone, I stood up just to let myself fall onto my bed. I kept staring at the ceiling while I listened to the introduction message of the voicemail I knew by heart now.

I was prepared for the beep that indicated that the message was now recording, but I sat up in surprise and froze in that position, anyways. I took a deep breath to clear my head, then I decided to take my own advice and let my heart speak.

"I'm sorry for that last message– for everything really. Because I messed up and I totally deserve your silence, but I just ... I really miss you. I never meant to hurt you and I'm a mess right now because ... I'm really scared, ok? You told me you didn't tell me because you were afraid of losing me. And now I feel like you are making _me_ lose _you_ ..." – a muffled sob escaped my lips when I thought about a life without this incredible human by my side – "Please, you gotta call. We need to fix this. Call me, I beg you ...

... Amy."


	2. Frustrated

**Author's note:**

**Thank you guys for all the positive feedback, I'm really glad you're enjoying this so far :)**

******A special thanks to the reviewers!**

** btjammysax: I'm really glad you said you had difficulties figuring the POV out until the very end because that was pure intention! I took off with the thought of wanting to hide the favored ship of the story, at least in the beginning, but the summary is bound to give me away with this – can't "lie" there, because it's a summary and should remain one – but at least I could fool you a little bit this way :P**

**Enjoy the second chapter!**

* * *

"Call me, I beg you ... Amy."

I suppressed the urge to add an "I love you" – it would probably worsen the situation – so I ended the call after a few moments of pure silence. Putting my phone aside again, I sighed before I fell back into my sheets as stiff as a poker. Even as I lay there the overwhelming tension never left my body. And how could it, when I didn't know what to do next? When I was dependant on Amy finally calling me back?

Liam was ignoring me, too, but his silence was surprisingly easy to deal with. Especially in comparison to Amy's silence, which seemed to put my heart in the hands of an unmerciful stretching bank. Then again, I didn't have the feeling that I was losing him like I had with her. In fact, Amy had always been a different case for me.

She had always been special.

"Just what have I done to you?", I wondered, while I took a look at the ceiling of my room again, this time imagining to see the glow-in-the-dark stars we had attached to the ceiling right above her bed. A little sob escaped my throat again as I heard her voice in my head: "I wasn't afraid, I was anxious. There's a difference."

My mom being my mom decided to walk into my room the exact moment, the first tear ran down my reddened cheek.

"I take it you didn't have any luck yet?", she guessed as she sat down on my bed and handed me a cup with some steamy liquid in it. The smell was familiar, but I wasn't able to pinpoint it. "What's this?", I asked nonchalantly. I didn't think it was necessary to answer her previous question for my teary face was probably telling enough.

"Camomile tea.", she replied, once again trying to hand me the cup. I kept lying in my bed though.

"Oh, so no fancy, like, ... "karma restoring" tea or something? That's new.", I mumbled bitterly.

"Actually, the tea from yesterday evening was Camomile, too. I haven't given you any since you were 5 years old, because it always has this extreme calming effect on you. But since you were freaking out, I didn't know what else to do to calm your nerves." – suddenly my mom pulled me up by the hands, then put her arm around me and gave me half a hug – "You know, I even told Amy once to not let you have any Camomile tea or she would probably have to drag you around like a rag doll all day long."

A muffled laugh fought its way out of my mouth forcefully, but it was also accompanied with a bunch of fresh tears. My mom's embrace tightened because of that ambivalence.

"So that's why. I always wondered about those strange excuses whenever Camomile tea was involved ..."

"And you know what she said? She promised to never let _anything_ harm you."

I bit my lip, but wasn't successful in suppressing further tears.

_And I let _everything_ harm her ... I've been such a horrible friend lately._

"Oh Sweetie." – as she started making hushing sounds and began rocking me back and forth my resolve to play the strong one broke down completely. A loud sob broke from my mouth while I could feel how my body rolled itself up automatically. As a response the hug from my mom extended.

"I broke her, Mom.", I cried and swallowed a big lump that had already developed in my throat, "And now I'm afraid she's not going back to being friends anymore ..."

"I don't think you were _ever_ just friends, Karma."

That surprised me profoundly – I gasped and nearly swallowed something up. "But ... we ... I mean." – I took a deep breath that rattled in my throat – "There was a time when we were best friends and hadn't kissed but still-"

"Karma, love isn't only identified by who you want to kiss. There's more to it- and I saw it in you two ever since you were kids." - she smiled and nudged my shoulder - "Why do you think I wasn't even surprised when you told me that you were a lesbian and that it was Amy, who had stolen your heart? You know I believe in fate. And I never had a doubt that you two would end up being together. And I am still faithful that this isn't the end of it."

Now I really swallowed something up. I opened my mouth to tell her everything – how I wasn't even a lesbian, how I had made Amy fake it with me just to be popular, how she had developed feelings for me whereas I was perfectly straight, how the hottest guy in school had fallen for me as well, how I had _made_ him fall for me, how both of them were mad at me now because of the lies, how messed up I really was – but what I was about to say didn't want to leave my mouth; For whatever reason.

I opened my mouth a second time and just spoke truthfully what was on my mind this moment: "I hope you're right."

It took me some time to calm down just enough to finally take a first sip from my tea. As the hot liquids traveled through my body, I could literally feel how my heartbeat decreased almost instantly. I pushed the used-up air out of my lungs, then sighed and let go of my poor mother for once.

"Mom, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to ... lash out. Or break down again."

"It's okay. I get it, Sweetie Pie."

"So, what do I do now?", I asked – and nearly jumped out of my skin when my phone suddenly began to ring. I didn't even need to take a look like my mother, because _her_ ringtone was enough to make my stomach drop down to hell.

"Well, you should probably answer that.", Mom suggested with a happy smile, then stood up, "Good luck.", and with that she went to leave me alone with my ringing phone.

I stared at the display for a while – Amy's smile was the most beautiful in the world – then I finally snapped out of it and answered my phone in a hurry, afraid that if I waited any longer, Amy would lose patience and hang up.

"Amy– finally–"

"Karma?"

I stopped abruptly. _Was that Amy? No way, that didn't even sound a bit like her._

"Yeah?", I replied, quite lost about who's voice had talked over my own voice to interrupt me.

"Oh thank fuck you're answering."

My mouth dropped open, then my eyes grew big. "Lauren?"

"Yes, of course. Who else were you expecting? Amy? The girl whose heart you've broken?!"

My own heart stopped at that, and with it, my will to reply. I stood dumbfounded and just waited for her to continue when I heard a deep sigh from the other end of the line. Why did she call from Amy's phone, anyway?

"Look, I don't think that this is a good idea, but since I can't reach Shane and I don't want to interrupt our parents honeymoon ..."

"Is something wrong with Amy!?" My heart started racing again, but this time, it did quite painful jumps. "And why are you calling from her phone!? Did something happen to her?"

"Well ..."

"Answer me, Lauren!", I yelled, demandingly and without any room for further discussion.

"I'm calling from her phone because I didn't have Shane's or your number, obviously. D'uh. And I can't believe I'm actually saying this, but I'm ... I'm really worried about her. I think you should come over. She's ... I dunno, see for yourself, please."

That's it. My heartbeat was gone and I felt dizzy for a split second.

_Lauren worried about Amy? That doesn't sound too good. That doesn't sound good _at all_. And she even said Please. Fucking _please_!_

"I'll be there in 15– no, 10–"

"Whatever. Just hurry."

* * *

**Author's note:**

**Not as bad a cliffhanger like "the real one", right? :X**

**Please review ;)**


	3. Bewildered

**Author's note:**

**Hi there! Thanks for all the adds to your alerts and of course the reviews. Best one came from f00f00 xD. And Paul Matthews: True story!**

**Took a bit longer, but the length of the chapter should make up for it.**

**Enjoy!**

* * *

_I hope she's alright– I hope she's alright– I hope she's alright–_

I couldn't recall how I had walked over to Amy's house - or rather sprinted, because there was probably a reason why I was completely out of breath now – but I sure knew what had made me snap out of my little state of trance upon arriving at the corner of Amy's street: Liam Booker's car was parked right in front of my best friend's house.

Completely irritated by that fact, I had stopped sprinting – and thinking about Amy for that matter – and was now staring at the back of the car from the edge of the street corner.

_Is it really his or am I seeing ghosts already?_ – I squinted – _No, that definitely his license plate ... Just what is he doing here?_

Remembering why I was here, I started to walk over to the house, but not without taking a suspicious glance into the car as I walked by. What I saw, made me stop again. And because I shuffled my feet in the process, the person sitting in the passenger seat took notice of me, too.

"Karma." – "Liam?"

We spoke simultaneously, but it was me who continued first: "What are you doing here?"

"I could ask you the exact same thing.", Liam replied bitterly. His forehead was already covered in wrinkles and he didn't even look at me very long, but stared right through the windshield, his arms crossed in front of his chest like he was sulking.

"I'm here for Amy, she's still my best friend.", I replied calmly and rationally. The last thing I needed now was to start a fight with him.

Unfortunately, I seemed to be quite alone with this opinion. "Oh really?!", Liam yelled, turning around to face me again. This time, his eyebrows had shifted as well, making his face look angrier than I had ever seen him. He didn't even look like himself anymore.

"Shane told me everything, Karma!"

"Yeah, ... I know, and I'm really sorry I lied to you, but please let me exp–"

Liam surprised me, cutting me off in the middle of my sentence, as a sudden low-pitched giggle proceeded from him while he opened the door and stepped out of the car, grinning and shaking his head continuously as he did. "Don't play dumb now.", he said while he walked up to me, "We both know you're too cunning for that."

The little ironic amusement left his face the more distance he closed between us. Furthermore, the nearer he got the more I realized just how small I was in comparison to him.

"I'm _talking_ about _Amy_ and her feelings!", he yelled loudly, "You know, the _real_ _ones_– not the fake ones! The ones you didn't care to tell me about. And now because of _youuu_ things totally got out of _hand_!"

He was starting to scare me now: His intonation was fierce, his build sturdy, his movement aggressive. His eyes were the worst though, they literally flared with anger and not only because they were a little bloodshot. An anger I deserved – sure – but that didn't mean that I could overrule my inner most instincts; I backed away from that stranger.

"What are you talking about?", I asked, because he had really lost me during his little angry speech. Liam, however, totally got it the wrong way: "What am I talking about?!", he yelled even louder, "Are you serious!?"

Liam had followed my movement, and before I could step back again, his strong hands were suddenly clawing my upper arms. "Liam, let go off me, you're hurting me!", I protested, but he wouldn't listen. If he weren't controlling my limbs, I would've slapped him by now.

"Calm down, please!", I added, but once again, he ignored my words and kept going: "I'm talking about _your _lie and about how _you_ fucked your supposedly best friend over! How _you_ made _me_ an asshole– This is all _your_" – he pushed me back and I fell to the ground – "fucking fault, Karma!"

"Get off her, Booker!"

A prominent pain shot through my hand, but I was more attentive to the third voice that intervened in the conflict and was the sole reason I wasn't crawling over the floor like a scared mouse by now. I looked up just in time to see how Lauren pushed Liam aggressively away from me, similar to the way Liam himself had done just a few seconds ago. As expected it wasn't enough to make him fall over, but the blonde sure knew how to snap a guy out of it.

Liam glanced at me first, then at the other girl, who had unexpectedly intervened. "I can't believe this.", he growled, turned his back to the scene and ran his finger's through his hair deeply and slowly. I've never seen him care so little about his hairstyle before, but what really struck me was the fact that his eyes seemed teary as he leaned against the front of his car and shock his head slightly.

_Everything's a mess ..._, I thought as my mind had the chance to catch up with the most recent events; I immediately felt like crying myself now. _Just a day ago everything had been just fine, even pretty much perfect. But now?_, I wondered while I turned my sight to the ground, because I wasn't able to bear looking at my boyfriend anymore.

"What the hell is going on here?!"

Shane suddenly appeared from the inside of the Raudenfeld-Cooper household and took turns looking at the three of us. In the end, he decided to walk over to his best friend to talk to him calmly. I couldn't make out the words, because I was too distracted by the unexpected hand that was suddenly reaching down to me. I was surprised to find Lauren Cooper at the other end of the hand, but then again, everything had changed, hadn't it?

As I was standing on my feet again, Shane's attention was suddenly mine, indebted by the fact that both Lauren and I yelped and let go of each other's hand immediately. While my yell was out of pain, her's had been out of disgust. "Ewwww, your hand's bleeding!", she remarked and tried to shake the sticky blood from her own hand, while I had a look at the injury. Just like Shane a sole moment later.

"Sorry about that Karma.", he mumbled, but I shock my head the second his words had left his mouth.

"Don't worry about it. I deserved that."

Lauren nodded her head slightly at that, "Probably. But that doesn't mean that a guy should beat a girl."

Now it was Shane's turn to shake his head: "Liam's _not_ that kind of guy."

I gave a weak smile, took one last look at my hand then let it hang limply besides my body and starred at my feet: "Yeah, I know, look what I turned him into, right?"

"Shane's eyes grew wide now: "That's not what I–"

"I know, Shane."

I took a deep breath to collect myself. Lauren made use of my silent moment to turn to Shane:

"So? Could you make a difference?"

"Sadly, no ..."

I've never seen him look so sad and worried before. It always seemed to me as if Shane was this endlessly happy guy, who always knew what to do next. To see him fail at this felt incredibly disturbing and discouraging.

"What's going on?", I asked and nearly chocked on my dry mouth, "Didn't you say, you couldn't reach him?", I added as I turned to the other girl in the circle.

"I couldn't, Mr. Gay over here just has the most awful timing I've ever seen."

"Hey!"

Lauren gave the protestant a fake smile. "He appeared right after I had talked to you."

"I didn't pay attention to my phone, because Liam was just telling me everything that had happened last night. I can't say this out loud but" – he came closer and began to whisper the rest of the sentence – "Liam was crying. That's when I knew I needed to check on Amy ..."

"Yeah, and what a great help you were.", Lauren rolled her eyes now.

Just as both Shane and I opened our mouths, Liam's voice suddenly interrupted our talk: "Man, can we please get out of here now?!", he yelled before he noisily made his way over to where we were standing to get a hold on Shane's arm. "Let _her_ deal with the damage she's caused.", he spit as his gaze flared over me, not at all sad, but very much blazing.

"Okay, that's enough! You're not entirely innocent, you dumb idiot!", Lauren bellowed out of nowhere.

"Shut up, Lauren, you don't even know-"

"Oh, I _know_ more than I _ever_ wanted to know_, _and although I don't like either one of you, Amy's family now. I may not be overjoyed by the fact, but I definitely don't want to life in that house right now because of what _your_ people's shit has transformed her into. So I suggest you get her back to her normal, annoying little self soon or I'll have to kill the three of you. I don't care _who_ does it. Or _how_ you do it. But _do it!"_

Shane and I were speechlessly looking around during Lauren's outburst, because saying something in reply to this little speech felt like a suicide mission. Besides, what could I've possibly objected to? Even though I couldn't agree with the typical Lauren choice of words, I definitely agreed with the message. Though I still didn't know why Shane and Liam were involved. I had a pretty good idea why Lauren made _me_ responsible for Amy's obvious discomfort, but I couldn't shake the feeling that there was more to all of this.

"Well, I'm fucking out of here."

My eyes grew wide when Liam stormed off now, trying to force Shane after him. The school's most popular gay guy obliged, which resulted in an even more furious Lauren Cooper. "Oh great, just piss off, devil-may-care.", she snarled, "You're such an asshole, Booker!"

"Whatever.", the boy said, then let go of his friend and went for his car. He slammed the door of the passenger side so loudly that the bang made me flinch as if I had been hit by a gun shot. The phantom pain made me realize not only why Shane was driving his best friend's car today but also that I needed to talk to Liam soon. Losing him, in every sense of the word, hadn't felt real until now.

_But first thing's first ..._, I thought while I glanced up at Amy's window. I turned around to finally enter the familiar house – I had lost enough time already – but Shane decided to walk over to us again right then.

"Sorry, he's just really angry. Mostly with himself, but don't tell him that I told you that.", he gave me a week smile, then turned around slightly to take a look at Liam's car. "Look, I'm gonna take care of him ... you take care of Amy."

Within a few seconds Shane was sitting in the car, but put his head out of the window before actually starting the engine. "I really hope you're the person that's needed now, despite everything. Call me, okay?"

And with this, the boys drove off.

Lauren shock her head several times, just like Liam had done. "I can't believe this.", she said, "You people are a nightmare, you know that?" Lauren walked off towards the house, obviously not expecting an answer from me despite her asking. Little did she now, that I actually agreed with her for once.

This really was a nightmare – one that I still hoped to wake up from soon.

* * *

**Author's note:**

**Paul Matthews, still okay with the continuous cliffhanger? :P Nah, just kidding. **

**Liam's appearance felt right to me at this exact moment. What do you think about that choice? Was I in character with all of them or was it just plain unbelievable? Please let me know. Also, if I made any critical grammar mistakes :) Still learning.**

**PS: Brace yourself for the first appearance of our beloved Amy in the next chapter.**


	4. Helpless

**Author's note:**

**After some rewrites, I can finally present you the next chapter! Man, that one was tough.**

**Thanks again for all reviews/likes/follows. Your love is what keeps me writing :D**

**Enjoy reading.**

* * *

"See for yourself.", Lauren had said. Answering my simple question, how exactly Amy was doing, with a simple answer.

But now, as I stood right in front of the door I used to walk through without any hesitation – day and night, summer and winter, year after year – it didn't seem all that simple anymore.

_"I'm talking about Amy and her feelings! You know, the real ones– not the fake ones!"_

_"I'm talking about your lie and about how you fucked your supposedly best friend over!"_

_"This is all your fucking fault, Karma!"_

Mostly, it was Liam's voice that rang through my head in these moments. However, there were also the words I had last exchanged with Amy herself, as well as Lauren's remark during our call:

_"I love you.", she had cried, succeeding in making me cry as well.  
__"I love you, too, Amy. More than anyone else on earth ... Just not like that."  
__"But. How can you tell if ... you don't try?"  
__"I slept with Liam."_

_"Amy? The girl whose heart you've broken?"_

I could feel my own heart crack as I recalled the scene before my inner eye. I would never forget the glimpse into Amy's soul that I got right before she walked away from me. Right after that painful _sigh_.

How could I have been so blind in the original scene? How could I not foresee just how much those words would hurt her? How could I not notice that she was hiding such an immense thing from me _the whole time _I kept swooning over Liam?

I could've said something else. I could've made her stay, to work things out, to make things right, then and there.

_And I should've.,_ I thought, _But I didn't. Because she was right. I was afraid._

I checked my phone for the millionth time today. Amy had never replied to any of my texts or calls, which wasn't like her. Even when we had been fighting, Amy had always answered her phone, even when she was really angry with me and didn't even bother to hide her averseness towards me in that moment.

Now she wasn't. And that thought brought hell up to the surface for me. Whichever fear it was that had made me mess up so badly, it was nothing compared to the horrors that I was feeling now. I would make up for my poor choice of words as well as downplaying her feelings when she was at her most vulnerable. I had to! At any costs. Because losing her just wasn't an option.

For the last time, I inhaled deeply to try and vitalise my courage, self-consciousness, and most of all the remaining bits and pieces of hope that I still carried within my heart. She couldn't throw it all away, could she? I brushed over my hands nervously while I stared at the door, flinching a little as I forgot about the scrape on my hand that Lauren had wrapped up fast and unprofessionally. Mostly, because I didn't want to lose any more time and didn't wait for a proper bandage to be applied.

_Don't fail her again, Karma._

I decided to not knock on the door. Instead, I turned the knob around slowly, pushed the door open rather carefully and stuck my head in with great caution. The room was very much darkened, which was suitable for the advanced daytime. However, I had the feeling that it had been like this all day.

My eyes burnt a little as I pushed them to see through the darkness faster than they could adjust to the new lighting by themselves. "Amy?", I croaked, my voice nearly breaking as I addressed her by name for the first time since doing it in the same sentence that had so mercilessly broken her heart. She never answered, but thanks to the small light emitting from her starry ceiling I could make out a small bump in the blanket on her bed.

Knowing my way through her room by heart, I walked over to her bed without any stumbling units even though my eyes were still adjusting. In close vicinity to the bed I noticed a small tray placed at the edge of her desk right besides her laptop. It had a plate with pancakes on it, but just like the filled glass right besides it no one had ever eaten from it. The neatly set cutlery was perfect proof of that.

As I reached the wooden bed I had to look twice to find that Amy was not only facing away from me, but also lying upside down and even a little diagonally in her bed. And as if this expressive position wasn't enough reason to worry, my best friend was almost completely covered in her blanket from head to toe. Her head was showing, but her long wavy strands curtained her face all the same.

"Amy?", I tried another time, but once again met nothing but heavy silence.

I deliberately walked around the bed, ignoring the bad feeling that was growing in my guts and already bending down while doing so. Having reached the level of Amy's head, I let myself fall to my knees right besides the edge of the bed and rested my chin on the edge of the bed.

"Hey ..." – automatically, my hands had both moved to her face and were carefully brushing the strands out of her face – "Sweety?"

I gulped a little when I saw my best friend's face. Amy's eyes seemed incredible tired due to her eye lids hanging at half-mast. Furthermore, they were red and teary – just like most of her cheeks – and I could've sworn to see the beginning of dark circles around her eyes, too. Judging from the smudge marks across her whole face, she hadn't removed her make-up from last night.

"Amy.", I tried again when she continued to not react to my presence. My voice was soft and much calmer than I really was. I had never seen Amy this apathetic before – I knew she wasn't ignoring me on purpose – and the sole idea of me not knowing what was happening with my best friend, simply freaked me out.

_"How do you do that?"  
__"What?"  
__"Know me better than I know myself."  
__"Years of practice."_

Years of practice. And I hadn't noticed that my best friend had been hiding something from me for weeks.  
Years of practice. And I hadn't noticed how Amy was developing romantic feelings for someone.  
Years of practice. And I hand't noticed how Amy had developed romantic feelings for me.

"I'm so sorry, Amy.", I whispered, my voice trembling already.

One of my hands started cupping her cheek lightly while the thumb on that hand brushed away some of the tears that were still falling quietly from her eyes. It took a while, but the action seemed to slowly snap her out of her little abstraction. Amy closed her eyes for a second and when she opened them again, her gaze finally started to focus on my face. Her eyebrows curled.

"K-Karm..."

My heart broke right then and there. The voice that was supposed to be my best friend's sounded absolutely nothing like hers anymore. I_ broke her, Mum ...,_ I remembered my own words and thought about just how ironic it was that I had succeeded in not only breaking the heart of a boy, but the heart of my best friend and – ultimately – even my own, all with a single action.

Since I didn't know how to clothe my thoughts and feelings in words just yet, I stared at her for a little longer. This way, I could watch the changes in Amy's face perfectly: At first she seemed dazed still, even a little confused, then her lips flattened, making her mouth appear longer and longer because of her bottling up whatever wanted to free itself from her depths. My hand was resting at her cheek, but when my thumb instinctively resumed brushing over it to sooth her, Amy's eyes suddenly filled with tears, too. A loud sob finally escaped from her mouth as her whole body cowered into a very small figure right before my eyes and within mere seconds.

But the one thing that really hit me right in the feels, was Amy's hand that shot from under the blanket, clawed my underarm, and tried to pull me closer.

"Oh no no, don't cry.", I begged immediately. I didn't even try to stop my own tears anymore.

"It's all my fault, I'm so sorry. Amy, don't. No."

My best friend just gripped my arm harder in response. Clumsily, I got to my feet just to immediately climb into the bed Amy had shared with me more times than I could even remember.

"I'm so sorry." – I kept crying, while I brought my injured hand to were my other hand had never retreated from, cradling her head within my hands and pressing it to my chest at the same time – "I messed up so badly, I failed you."

Amy's first response was to sob loudly once, then her crying evened just a little as her arm found its way around my waist, pulling the blanked over both of us in the process, whilst the other maintained its firm hold on my arm. That motion made me hug her even more, so that her curled up body now molded into mine completely.

However, even though I held her this close to my body, to my heart!, I didn't feel like I was protecting her from harm like I should.

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. Shhh, Shh."

It was like a mantra. As if saying it over and over again, would somehow make everything right again. As if it would fix Amy. As if it would strip me of my guilt and heartache.

Despite how incredibly helpless I felt with my shattered soulmate in my arms, I tried to introduce a calm and steady rocking motion while I started to hum the first track I had ever written for her. It was a simple melody, but one that perfectly portraits the easiness of how we had clicked all those years ago. I had written "You & Me" – very original right? – for her 8th birthday. A smile flew over my face when I remembered how nervous I had felt back then, afraid that she wouldn't like it. But, boy, had I been wrong. Amy ended up loving it so much, I had to play it at least once on every of her birthdays since.

Every time the melody ended, I placed a small kiss on top of her hair right before I started over; My new mantra.

And this one finally had an effect on the both of us: After ten minutes of immense crying, Amy's limbs grew heavier by the second whereas her laboured breathing soothed. The calmer she got, the more I relaxed as well. In the end, I felt myself starting to lie back in the bed. Both, neither Amy nor I, let go of the other in the process. The totally exhausted blonde had instinctively tightened her grip around my waist and followed the motion without reacting further. However, I sure noticed that there were still fresh tears running down her cheeks.

The fact made me realize that Amy was about to cry herself to sleep. Because of me.

"Just what have I done to you?", I wondered aloud while I stared at her starry ceiling and realisation hit me once again: I had never ceased to cry, either.

* * *

**Author's note:**

**Not very talkative today, but let me tell you one thing: One of the main reasons I kept rewriting this chapter so often was because I was still in the middle of figuring out which pace I want for the story. ****Not sure how you're feeling about the final result, but what are reviews for right? Just tell me :)  
**

**See you around!**


	5. Powerless

**Author's note:**

**Um, hello? Are you guys still out there? :D**

**My god, it's finally done! Had quite a trouble with this chapter, which is why it's coming this late. ****Let me know what you think of the final result ok?**

**Oh and thanks for all the new follows/likes :)**

* * *

She just stood there; stared and smiled. Filling my heart with warmth, just like she's always done, whenever it was me at the receiving end of that beautiful beam.

_Hey, it's me ..._

Her smile widened. As her teeth showed and the side of her temples wrinkled lightly in laughter, I felt myself walking towards her, seeking more of the warmth and happiness she was offering. I couldn't remember a time when I was more happy. I felt like I was floating on cloud nine.

But before I could reach her, her face suddenly turned rigid. Unexpectedly, she pulled her phone out of her jeans pocket and put the device to her ear, all the while keeping eye contact with me.

_Sorry for calling this late. It's just that I was suddenly having a bad feeling and I wanted to make sure you're okay._

Her words rang a bell, but mostly, they made me feel uncomfortable and nervous. At first I didn't really understand why, but as the girl before me continued and I suddenly noticed that her mouth wasn't even moving, I realized that it was _me _speaking.

Something was very off. _How did we even get here?_, I wondered and suddenly felt like physically falling from my cloud.

"I guess you're already asleep, though. I hope I didn't wake you with this."

The voice was suddenly much louder than before. It caused me to open my eyes with a start, but as I was met with a stinging darkness, I immediately realized what had happened to me. I mumbled incoherent words while I put my hand over my eyes, got a feel for my body's current whereabouts and tried to re-focus my thoughts. _What a strange dream._, I concluded, then stretched to try and shake the grogginess from my bones.

Without thinking further I turned onto my side, where I tried to get comfortable again. However, that was the moment I got the feeling that something – or rather someone – was nearby.

When I opened my eyes again, I stared right into the exact pair of blue-greenish eyes; the one's from my dream. I didn't see the vivid colors through the darkness, but I had memorized Amy's beautiful eye color years ago.

"Have a good night."

My voice message from earlier today ended with a little beep and Amy, the most unreadable expression on her face, had a quick glance at her phone. As soon as she had clicked on the screen, she gazed at me again. This time around I noticed the determination and the strength in her stare. I opened my mouth, but before I could say a single word, I was interrupted by my own voice once more.

"Hi, me again. First of all I wanted to apologise for my last call, I didn't mean to act as though nothing had happened. Can we meet up for a late breakfast or lunch? We should talk."

"I'm still sorry for that stupid message, Amy."

I interjected before I would be interrupted again. The blonde sighed silently at that, and the sole reason I perceived it, was because I could feel her shallow breath on my face. It made me realize that I was actually able to reach out for her. I scooped closer, ours bodies only inches apart now, and took her free hand into mine. I felt her protest a little, but in the end, my best friend intertwined her fingers with mine, which was an incredible feeling.

My gaze jumped back and forth between her two eyes while we both stayed silent. Her pupils shone with sadness, but I was brave enough to face this now. I wanted to take her in and see all of the pain that I had caused her. Because I figured that that was the only way I could take responsibility and, ultimately, fix this. All without dragging her down again while I was trying.

I had no idea for how long I've been asleep when she wasn't, but since it was still dark outside, it couldn't have been that long. That time seemed to have been enough for Amy, because besides the still very prominent sadness I also noticed that she seemed a little less exhausted now. Sure, she was still sad, still not well, still suffering from other people's mistake. But at least now she was much more aware of my presence.

And I had to take advantage of that.

"I'm sorry I sleep-drunk-called you because of a strange feeling." – her gaze dropped all of a sudden, which made me squeeze her hand reflexively to sort of keep her where she was – "I didn't mean to make things worse. Ever."

Amy now suppressed a sob, I could see it in the way her lips began to lengthen again. She let go of her phone, that fell and landed safely between us, to use her second hand to rub away the tears feverishly.

Amy had always been the strongest person I knew. Not exactly physically, but mentally. Always fighting battles for what she believed in, even when they weren't her own.

I would never forget my first days in Kindergarden, when I had first met her. I was the new kid in the town, the one with the "alien name". One would think that kids would be impressed by a girl named like something that sounded like it was right straight out of the movies. However, sadly it had been the exact opposite.

On my third day, a bunch of kids had cornered me in the sandbox, telling me to go back to the strange land I had come from. It had been Amy who interrupted and told them to back off and to "leave the girl with the pretty name alone".

I smiled a little; I could still hear little Amy's sweet, but agitated voice in my head.

The blonde had come out of that little encounter victoriously, but also with a scrapped knee that later became inflammatory because of some sand in the wound. I had buged my Mom about visiting her at home as soon as I had heard about the reasons why Amy couldn't come to Kindergarden on the last day of my first week. I brought some cookie dough with me – another thing I had bugged my Mom about – and ended up staying all weekend.

We have been best friends ever since. To see her tear up so easily, in a state of total defeat from the beginning. was literally ripping my heart out.

"I'm sorry.", I mumbled, brought our joined hands to my lips and placed a lingering kiss on the back of her hand, "I've been a terrible friend lately."

As her cell lay flat on the mattress I was able to catch a quick glimpse of the device's screen. I had already expected as much, but the well-known icon that indicated that Amy had never actually listened to any of my messages before, still managed to surprise me. That surprise was followed by an ambivalence: I was happy that the natural blonde hadn't _really_ ignored me, but the reason she hadn't listened to the messages yet was perfect proof that she was all but doing well since yesterday.

"Me again." – before I even knew Amy had started the next message – "I hope you're just busy and not ignoring me on purpose. Please call me back when you get the chance, I really wanna explain myself and try to fix this. Please give me the chance to. Call me, okay?"

I felt weird when Amy's sobs became more and more prominent and I, at first, felt nothing but confusion. I couldn't understand why all of my messages seemed to make her cry. Isn't that what she had wanted? Not losing me? One would think that, if anything, the messages showed off my efforts. Or was my opinion bound to be subjective?

"Sweetie, why are you crying?"

I decided to just ask her, my voice perfectly conveying that I felt sorry for her, but also, that I didn't understand what was happening. I bit my lower lip; my question did nothing but upset her more. If that was even possible.

My heart stung badly at that sight of further tears and violent sobs. My best friend was a nervous wreck, the world collapsing on her ...

"And it's all my fault.", I ended aloud.

I pulled Amy closer, pressing our intertwined hands to my chest, once again trying to heal her open wounds. I tried to hum our song again, but since I was getting emotional too, I soon stopped trying. I closed my eyes, ignoring that that pressed the unshed tears out of my eyes, and listened to the cut-off sobs. Each time I heard a failed attempt to stop herself from crying, my heart cracked a little more.

However, the worst part was that none of this compared to the pain that Amy was in. Even physically: Her breathing was chaotic, her skin cold and I felt her hand shaking, despite my dominant grip. Actually, her whole body was convulsing, just as if every breath pressed another shard to her lungs, ripping the soft flesh apart bit by bit.

She was dying – figuratively speaking, thankfully – but it hurt all the same. And there seemed to be nothing that I could do to help her.

A sudden thought crossed my mind: What if she kept crying this violently, solely because _I_ was forcing myself on her? Only hours after I had told her that I didn't reciprocate her feelings?

"Look, I get it okay, you don't wanna talk to me right now." – _How the hell did she manage to click on that phone again?!_ – "But you could at least answer my texts and let me know that you are save. Is that too much to ask for now?!"

Amy literally duck her head at this, sheltering herself from my anger. An anger, that was long replaced with sympathy and worry.

_I am right._, I suddenly thought, my own voice from the voice message snapping me out of my dark thoughts,_ I may be the reason for her sadness, but not because I'm here right now. It can't be, we've never been like this. We can weather the storm– I know we can! We always do. Together._

When her hand tried to let go of mine, I shock my head. "No, play the next one ...", I said firmly, nudging her head with my own softly. Amy swallowed, but did as she was told. I took a deep breath, too, knowing exactly what was about to come. At least I was able to see her reaction in person.

"I'm sorry about that last message– for everything really. Because I messed up and I totally deserve your silence, but I just ... I really miss you. I never meant to hurt you and I'm a mess right now because ... I'm really scared, ok? You told me you didn't tell me because you were afraid of losing me. And now I feel like you are making _me_ lose _you_ ..."

When I heard my own muffled sob in the recording and it mixed with Amy's very present ones, I was soon fighting a losing battle with my own emotions again. My vision of Amy blurred a little when I started to look through a teary curtain. But I still managed to see guilt in her eyes. My heart stopped beating, out of excitement.

"Please, you gotta call. We need to fix this. Call me, I beg you ... Amy."

Amy gripped my hand again, as soon as the message had ended. But other than that – and the little glimpse of guilt I had seen before – my very last voice mail didn't produce any new effect. Which was fairly demotivating, because I had put all of my hope, to lay the foundation of our way back, in it.

I was falling, as fast as I had propelled into the air.

I lowered my eyes, the gravity pulling at my tears. With them, all hope dropped out of my soul. I had failed – again. Amy was still crying, still shutting me out.

Still not speaking.

"Amy ...", I mumbled quietly, but as loud as I could manage without my voice cracking. She didn't need to know that I was at the verge of giving up, at least for now – "Do I still deserve your silence?"

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw her trembling form gasp, then shake her head vigorously. I was relieved at the answer, but began to really despise the transporter. And I was way too emotional to hide _that_ from her any longer: "Then why aren't you talking to me?", I asked, my voice fairly high pitched, because I was stressing out now.

As expected, I never got an answer. It made me sit up and release the physical connection to her, that I had established earlier. Only Amy's sad puppy eyes followed my movement.

I sighed audibly. I had expected Liam's anger, Amy's tears, even Amy's ignorance, but never Amy's _silence_.

It was like the ultimate punishment. The one thing you never dare to think even about because it was just too cruel a thought.

_It's the one thing that can harm us, wound us ... break us._, I thought.

After our recent fight during the school's protest, I knew I never wanted to go down that road again. That's why I had been texting and calling her all day long. I was trying to remind her of that time, and more importantly, about her not wanting to hurt that way again, too. Because if Amy hadn't lied to me back then, she had been in both, physical and mental, pain over our silence just as much as I had.

"Look, despite what you might think, I really believe that I do deserve your silence. Ok– I really do. But Lauren said she didn't hear you say a _single_ word since last night." – I took a deep breath to try and calm my voice, because yelling wasn't helping anymore – "Amy, I can see you're hurting, I'd have to be blind to not see how broken you are right now. And I wanna help you _so_ much. Because you're the most important person to me and there's nobody in this entire world that I want to shelter from every possible pain. But I can't do that, if you're not letting me in.

I know I may not be the right person for the job, because I ..." – I swallowed the rest of the sentence, not wanting to say that I didn't have any romantic feelings for her for some reason – " Well, ff that's the case, you can just send me away. I can deal with that."

_That's a lie._, my inner voice protested. The sole thought let me break out in tears, but thankfully, that didn't stop me from talking.

"But I can't deal with your silence. It's killing me. I miss your _voice_– I miss it so much! And it's killing me to see you this way ... I want my best friend back. The one with the brightest smile and the stupid jokes. And the one that's talking to me. Amy ... I miss _you_. Please let me help you."

I wasn't sure whether my monologue or my now free-flowing tears were the reason, but either way, i had finally done the trick. Amy, who hadn't moved a single muscle up until now, turned to look me in the eye again – right before she finally parted her lips to speak up.

Adrenaline shot through my body, stopping the tears in an instant as well as – once again – my heartbeat. This was it, she was finally talking to me!

_But what if she's just telling you to leave?, _a snide little voice inside my head said_, What do you do then? ..._

"I slept with Liam."

_... What do you do _now_?_

* * *

**Author's note:**

**I still can't believe that this has happened in the series (but I won't deny it, as you can tell ;) ). Amy was looking at Liam and Liam was looking at Amy and I was just screaming at my computer :D Quite the twist. And I bet Karma didn't see that coming either in both, the series and my story ...  
**

**Please review :) And I'll see you around!**


	6. Paralyzed

**Author's note:**

**Hi guys :) Here's the next chapter! I'm in a hurry right now, so I'll make it short.**

**Thanks for all your reactions, I really appreciate it!**

* * *

Out of all the things I thought she was capable of saying to me in that moment, this was definitely the most absurd- but also the most painful one.

Amy had slept with Liam.  
Liam had slept with Amy.  
My best friend had slept with my boyfriend.  
My boyfriend had slept with my best friend ...

I never would've imagined that Amy would be breaking my heart with the exact same words I had broken her heart with only 24h prior. Especially because Amy had always disliked Liam. And he hadn't taken any interest in her before, either.

And that could only lead to one very obvious conclusion ...

"Hello?"

I was confused for just a bit, when I suddenly heard Shane's voice from out of nowhere. I only remembered that I was in the middle of calling him, when I realized his voice had a technical sound to it.

My anger overpowered me seconds before the first tone left my mouth.

"You _knew_ and you didn't tell me?!"  
Shane was silent for a moment. "Hello to you, too, Karma."  
"Cut the innocent act, Shane! You fucking knew and you didn't _tell me_!"  
"Jeez, calm down. Do you have any idea what time it is?"  
"I don't, neither do I care. You told me to call you, now I _am_, because you _fucking_ knew–"  
"Ok, ok, look. I'm _sorry_! But what was I supposed to do?! You needed to hear that from her ..." – he paused – "Or him ..." – another small pause – "Definitely not from me, that's for sure."  
I snorted into the cellphone in disapproval. "This is great, it really is."  
"You're right.", he replied viciously, "It's quite an epic mess you created, I haven't seen anything like it since Dawson's Creek. Not to mention the real world. And trust me, I've seen quite a lot for a guy my age."

I shock my head all the while Shane was talking, but the dripping sarcasm in his voice made me realize, or rather remember, that he was actually right. I sighted audibly.

"I know, I'm sorry. You're totally right. I'm just ... confused and really really tired."  
"I can imagine.", Shane replied dryly, "Were you up all night?"  
"I don't even know, but I bet I slept more than Amy did ..."  
"So how is she?"  
"She's ..."

Him asking about Amy suddenly called attention to the fact that the shower had been turned off. For how long, I couldn't tell. I stopped pacing, which I had done for several minutes now, when my heart fell into an endless pit because of the sudden realization.

"... right out of the shower– I'll call back later!"

I hung up on Shane before I heard his reply. And that was lucky, because I put my phone away hastily and wasn't even able to sit down before Amy's bathroom door suddenly opened.

_Phew, what a close call!_, I thought and took a very deep breath. Not only because I was trying to steady my heartbeat and nerves, but because Amy, heading for her dresser, was stepping into her room with nothing but a huge towel wrapped around her body.

She had been right about me feeling _something_ during the threesome. Ever since that fateful night, I was highly alert to how beautiful my best friend really was. Of course, I had always known that she was a natural beauty. But up until then I had only ever seen the tip of the iceberg for Amy wasn't much of a skin shower. Seeing her in lingerie had been undeniably hot. And then there was that kiss ...

"You're ... still here."

I snapped out of my little trance when Amy, underwear forgotten, now stepped around her bed to face me. Or at least she tried to, because I could once again see how she didn't dare to look me in the eye for longer than a few second. My eyebrow curled a little, betraying the rest of my rigid face and revealing my worry.

At least we were back on speaking terms.

"Of course I am.", I said, my voice fading out with each word as I realized, that I wasn't able to keep the disappointment over her obvious surprise out of my tonality.

I saw her flinch a little right before she answered. "I just thought that you'd ... I mean ..."

Amy's eyes flew over my face slightly, the insecurity quite obvious. Then she sighed heavily and let herself flop onto the edge of the bed in defeat. She turned her face to the bottom right. "Liam.", she just said, beat.

"Amy." – I stepped closer and kneeled before her, my hand resting on her knee – "I couldn't care less about Liam Booker right now, alright. How do you feel?"

Amy tried her best to keep her composure, but her face, especially her eyes and the watery shine in them were still speaking volumes. "B-Better.", her voice trembled a bit, "But I still have a headache and I feel ... dirty."

My eyes widened now. "Wait- but he didn't ... ?"  
Amy's eyes widened, too. "Oh god– no! No. He didn't ... I think."

My forehead wrinkled once again. Not saying another word, but trying to get Amy to tell me the full story by herself I gazed at her expectedly. After a while, Amy looked me in the eye and noticed my confusion. Tears were already threatening to break from her normally shining eyes when she opened her mouth several times before there would actually come words out of her throat.

"All I remember is that I had a few drinks and then Lauren brought me cake to cheer me up. Then he just stood there and we ... got involved. You know ... equally."

I gulped without her noticing. I knew exactly where this was heading – and it hurt too much to think about that scenario. So I did what I always did when things got too serious for me.

"Lauren brought you cake?" – I sounded more surprised than I really was, due to said girl had already informed me about trying to comfort her new sister before losing sight of her – "Was it poisoned?", I joked.

Amy choke on the laugh that broke out of her, the force yanking the half-fallen tears loose as well. "I know, right?", she replied reflexively, "I said the exact same thing!"

I smiled at her, wiping a tear from one of her cheeks. Amy had a little smile on her face, too, but the more her eyes wandered away from me, the more she zoned out. It took nothing but a few seconds until her face had turned completely sad again. And that made me want to cry, too.

"It was my first time, Karma.", she then mumbled, almost inaudible, "Liam Booker ... was my first."

I felt stupid to nod, out of a dumb reflex. Of course it had been her first time. Because unlike me, Amy would've told me immediately when she had just lost her v-card. Hell, she was doing it right now, wasn't she?

_Such irony._, I thought,_ Always doing everything together, even losing our virginity to the exact same guy.  
__With the small but important difference that Amy can't even stand Liam ..._

That fact made the situation so much worse. Let's talk about "karma", right?

Of course, it wasn't Amy who deserved this brutal spiritual punishment. I, however, definitely did.

"I'm so sorry, Amy."

The blonde turned her head sharply, which forced me to retrieve my hand, especially when she stood up, too. "S-Stop it!", she cried, then stormed past me to come to an halt before her locker cupboard. I followed her movement, completely taken aback by her sudden outburst, "Amy?"

"We had sex, for God's sake!", she spat out, succeeding in fleshing the thought out for me, "A-and you ... _you_ ... say_ sorry_."

The hatred in her voice confirmed what I already knew: Amy was crying tears of anger. But it was only now that everything started to make sense to me. My face lit up with the realization. Finally I had an idea how to lift some of the weight off her shoulders.

I stepped closer, unknowingly to Amy who had her back to me, and did the one thing that felt most natural to me. Amy would flinch at the obviously unexpected contact, but it didn't take her long to melt into my hug, which only made me hold her as tightly as I could without crushing her bones.

"I'm not angry at you, Amy.", I whispering into her ear right before I nestled my chin on top of her shoulder blade. "But why?", she whispered in reply, "I slept with your _boyfriend_. Behind your back ..."  
It was as if she was begging me to yell at her, but instead, my voice became even softer.  
"How could I? You're not to blame. You never were, because ... you didn't want to be part of this stupid plan from the beginning. But I've been dragging you along, anyways. Right into this mess."

I sighed a little, remembering our little talk at the school's roof top at the very beginning of the school year.

_And if you need to stand out then ... I'm gonna help make that happen.  
__Are you saying what I think you're saying?  
__Let's be lesbians._

And the previous one, in the girl's locker room.

_Then why did you get along with it?  
__Because you're my best friend and I wanted you to be happy.  
__Well it worked; I'm happy.  
__Well I'm _not_!_

How could I've been so blind? The only reason I had been able to build my tower of happiness was because Amy had sacrificed her own happiness to offer the building a solid foundation. As my egoism had kept corroding the rest of Amy's happiness further and further, my tower had lost it's balance. Until yesterday evening said building had come crashing down on me – in very big boulders.

"You've always been an incredible friend, Amy. And I've been taking advantage of that. Even worse, I've been taking you for granted. That's unforgivable. So even if I can't change anything with it, I need to apologize to you. I need you to know that I'm sorry, because it's my fault that you ..."

I stopped to swallow the big lump in my throat. With it, the rest of my sentence was gone. I shock my head lightly to clear my thoughts, sadly to no avail.

"I just wish that I ... I had realized this sooner, so that ... I mean ..."

"So that I'd never fallen in love with you.", Amy finished.

My stomach fell and my heart tensed up painfully. I felt like yelling No and already opened my mouth to do so, but for some reason I stayed silent once again.

Amy wiggled herself free from my hug after a while, her still damp hair cooling my heated cheeks pleasantly in the process. Then she turned around and looked me in the eye. My vision was a little blurry now, but I still managed to see that her tears were still present and falling. Thankfully she wasn't as upset and exhausted anymore.

I, however, was suddenly feeling light-headed. I took a deep breath when a high-pitched noise rang through my ears, then brought my hand to my head and started walking backwards. Knowing exactly how many steps I needed to take before being able to sit down on Amy's bed, I had closed my eyes in the process. I sighed in relief when I felt the soft mattress under my buttocks.

"Karma? You ok?"

Her hands touched my knees as she knelt before me. _Funny._, I thought, _Reversed roles ..._

"You're pale.", Amy said. I saw her scan me worriedly while I blinked several times.  
"I'll be okay in a moment." – her jerking eyebrow revealed that she didn't believe me – "Probably just a little dehydrated that's all.  
"You didn't eat, did you.", she said sharply.  
"Well, you didn't either, did you.", I replied just the same.

As soon as I realized what I had said though, my heart made another painful jump. _Why they hell did I say that?_, I thought and looked up in fear. I was somewhat relieved upon the stern, not hurt look in Amy's eyes. She began to smirk a little, then she stood up, her hands never leaving my knees while she rose.

I pushed the used-up air out of my lungs as she flapped herself on the bed besides me. I followed immediately when I noticed that the blonde was looking at the stars on her ceiling. Since the sun was starting to rise they weren't shining as much as in the night. But that didn't stop either of us from watching them; It never had.

"You know.", Amy started, "As much as you say I'm bitchy when I'm hungry ..." – she turned her head to look at me and I did the same – "... I really think the same goes for you."

I started giggling uncontrollably and nearly chocked on my own spit. "You're probably right.", I exclaimed and brought my hands to my face again. I closed my eyes to wallow in this unexpected feeling of happiness while I used my hands to brush through my hair from the very beginning of my hairline. The cool air in the room was a wonderful refreshment.

Being so lost in my own head resulted in nearly jumping out of my skin when Amy caught my right hand out of nowhere. She pulled the limb towards her and examined the lousy bandage on it with suspicious eyes, lightly unwrapping it to see the damaged skin.

"What happened to your hand?"  
"Oh. That. Nothing really.", I lied, "You know me. Clumsy and all. I just fell."  
"Damn right I know you.", Amy said, only continuing when I wouldn't reply: "Which is why I know you're lying to me right now."

I bit my lip after that – hard. She was right.

"I accidentally ran into Liam. Like ... literally. I fell to the ground because of him."

_That's close enough._, I argued with my inner judge, _She doesn't need to know about Angry Liam right now._

"And why did you lie about it?"  
"I just ... didn't want to mention him again when you ..."

I'm glad Amy got it before I needed to say it out loud. I refocused on the stars – _our_ stars – desperately trying to get lost in a daydream. However, Amy wouldn't let me.

"You should go and see him."  
"What?" – _what the hell?_ – No, not now."  
"You should. He didn't even know that we were faking it until yesterday."  
"I know but ..."

I wasn't able to finish the sentence, and Amy knew. I saw here looking at me out of the corner of my eye. She even seemed to smile weakly.

"It's just funny, you know?" – she mumbled again, as if the words were physically painful – "I had always imagined my first time to be with someone who truly loves me and whom _I_ truly love. And now ... I just threw it all away ..."

A lone tear fell from my right eye when she ended, sealing the fact with salty wetness. I didn't even try to say something, because I figured this was one thing I could never ever correct. You only lose your virginity once and Amy had lost it to a boy she hates; there was no going back from this point.

My stomach decided to rumble in the most inappropriate moment. I hadn't eaten all day, so it was only a natural reaction. But I still felt terrible to "respond" like that. I wanted to apologize, but Amy's stomach, however, decided to agree to the statement; even our stomaches were taking to each other.

I smiled, then sat up straight again: "How about we get those pancakes over here and have some really early breakfast in bed?"

Amy seemed a little confused, but when I pointed at the untouched food plate on her desk, her eyes lit up in realization. She nodded silently, a sheepish smile playing around her lips as soon as I jumped off the bed to get our food.

I smiled encouragingly when I was back and placed the food between us. As Amy had the first pancake in her hand I reached for the other end, successfully tearing it in two. "Hey!", she snorted with laughter. I just poked my tongue out at her before I lay back and ate silently.

Only for a few bites though.

"Amy?"  
"Yeah?"  
"They taste horrible."  
"I know."

We both smiled carelessly at each other then, just like we would've done several months ago. And that was what I've been looking for; the little promising chance that maybe, just maybe, things would be ok again.

* * *

**Author's note: **

**Just remember that word for now; maybe. We'll see in the next few chapters if things are really going to be okay or not ... **

**Now for some "bad news": I'm on vacation for two weeks starting tomorrow, with little to no internet at all. Hopefully, I will find some time to write the next chapter, but even if I do, I won't be able to post it before the 25th of August. Buuuuut, you're probably used to it by now, right? :P Just kidding. I'll try and hurry.**

**Please tell me what you thought of this chapter again in the meantime ;)**


	7. Torn (Part 1)

**Author's note:**

**Guys, I'm back! And I've seen Iceland before it breaks apart :'D Had a wonderful vacation.**

**Thanks for the new favs, follows and reviews. Especially yours, yoseriahippie! That means a lot, because being in character is really important to me :)**

**I now present you the first part of the new chapter. I decided to split it because of it's length. The second part is nearly done and should follow on next Monday or Tuesday!**

**Enjoy!**

* * *

The last 21 hours and 28 minutes had been nearly as bad as the whole of saturday.

After sharing Lauren's self-made pancakes with Amy, despite their terrible taste, it hadn't taken long before the blonde had resumed insisting that I should go to Liam's to fix my fractured relationship with him. Of course, that hadn't been enough to send me away. However, when Amy had had enough and told me that she needed to get some more sleep – and I should, too, because I was "starting to look like the vampire version of Bella from Twilight" – I had finally resigned.

Needless to say, I hadn't visited Liam that day. Instead, I went straight home and, after explaining my parents in short how it went with Amy and why I hadn't been home, fell straight into bed. I slept in my clothes until the early evening then had some very small dinner with my parents before going back to sleep again.

Amy had been right about me needing more rest, too. She just knew me that well.

Tragically, the early bedtime resulted in me being awake since 4:38 AM. Now, another three hours later and just as I set foot on the school's yard, I was reaching the end of my patience again. I was back to missing Amy and since I hadn't talked to her in nearly another day, I felt like I was right back where I had started.

When people came up to me, all asking why Amy wasn't with me today, I wanted to scream all my worries out. But instead of telling them how I really felt I forced one smile after another and lied about Amy getting some on-the-go breakfast for the both of us. Thankfully, that was enough to satisfy most of Hester High. I had enough to deal with right now, I didn't need an additional screeching horde on my heels to top the sour cake.

My foot tapped on the floor repeatedly while I did nothing but stand in the middle of the school and kept looking for any sight of Amy continuously. From my current spot I was able to see every main entrance to the building so she needed to pass my sight eventually. Unless she was using some kind of hidden door or janitor's entrance to get to her first class, of course.

_What if she's already there because she knows you're looking for her?_, my mean inner voice said, _She's your best friend, she knows that you're normally up before her and therefore would arrive at school first. So what if she chose to avoid you and does things differently now?_

Another person, obviously looking for someone, too, walked into the school yard and caught my eyesight right away; and with that, even my thoughts. The rational, very conscious decision to talk to that person came later than the action of my legs, that had already started to walk over.

Liam had had that effect on me from the very first day I had met him, I realized.

"Hey.", I said with a hearable insecurity and a very sheepish smile on my lips. Since he had turned around to scan the whole area – I wondered who he was looking for – Liam had to spin around to see me first. When he did and our eyes met, my heart beat hard against my chest. I bet my skin color became as red as my hair.

"Karma.", he said and I was genuinely surprised about how calm he sounded now, compared to two days prior, "Hi.", there was also a hint of surprise in his voice. He even returned my sheepish smile before looking me over for a second.

That was the normal Liam. The one I could talk to. And the one I had fallen for.

"Look–"  
"Karma–"

We both stopped and smiled at each other with real amusement now. There it was again, that stinging similarity between us, that had fascinated me ever since I had grown to know him more.

I used my hand to give the signal that I was allowing him to speak the first word. Liam took it right away.  
"I just wanted to say that I'm sorry.", he said very quickly, "You know about ..."

The handsome young man reached for my hand carefully, took it, and then examined it. I had replaced the little bandage from Lauren with a large patch, figuring it would be more handy in school, but you could still see a little bit of ruptured skin that wasn't covered by the little helper.

Soon, Liam placed his second hand above the other, so that my wounded hand was sandwiched between both of his. I could be quite ignorant at times, but I knew exactly what the artistic boy wanted to tell me with this subtle depiction.

"It's okay, you had every right to be mad at me."  
I meant it, even though I was staring at my feet that moment.  
"You still do."

"I can't deny that.", he said, "But I'm not _that_ kind of guy. I totally snapped. And that wasn't ok."  
His eyes shone with honesty now – at least so it seemed to me.  
"So once again ... I'm really sorry I pushed you."

I nodded, then an awkward moment followed, because I didn't know what to say anymore. I thought I did, that I was ready to tell him the whole story and see where this would leave us. But once again, something was stopping me from doing what I had wanted to do only seconds before. As if I was tied to someone else's leash entirely after Amy's confession and as if this someone pulled at said item whenever he/she – maybe even _it _– felt like it.

"Have you talked to Amy?", Liam spoke again, "Do you ..."  
"Yeah, I know.", I interjected, fast as lightning, figuring it hurt less when I said it myself.  
I was wrong about that though. Liam gulped audible, too.

I used the next moment of silence to scan the school yard again. A second later my eyes widened as excitement took over my body; Amy stood only a few steps away from us and was even watching us.

"Amy!", I yelled loudly – Liam forgotten – so that she would definitely have to hear me, despite the fact that she was looking right at me, anyways.

Only vaguely did I acknowledge, that Liam had called for her as well. What struck me much more was the fact that almost all of the other students around us turned to look at my best friend, or me and Liam, too. The three of us were the center of attention now; I had achieved this goal now.

It had never felt so wrong before, though.

My best friend was in quite obvious discomfort. I could see how her hand clutched the strap on her backpack tighter as soon as the whispering of the masses started. Avoiding any eye contact, but being caught in the headlights anyways, she just stood there, vaguely looking into our direction anymore.

I had practically forced her to talk to me with my previous action, I realized, and even worse: I pulled her along, once again. "Old habits die hard"– for the first time in my life I really understood the meaning behind the well-known saying.

Liam had started walking over and reached Amy before I did. Him telling everyone to mind their own business helped to scatter the attention again so that we could talk in private when we stood before her. I quietly thanked Liam for his most recent action, because one could literally see how some of the heavy weight was lifted off of Amy's shoulders.

"Hey.", I heard him say in a surprisingly soft voice. Amy smiled weakly and then – throwing me off balance with this one – hugged Liam shortly. "Hey.", she replied meanwhile, then forced a smile into my direction before checking out her own feet again.

"Amy, I just ... I wanted to apologize, again."  
"Liam ... you already did that, remember?"  
"I know, I just, I feel like I need to fix this, but I can't and ..."

My sigh was once again simultaneous to the one that left Liam's mouth that moment. I knew exactly what he meant and what that helplessness felt like.

He shook his head. "I just wanted to say it again. And make sure that you know that I would take it all back, if only I could.", he put a hand to her arm, making me and Amy both stare at his hand, "I know we haven't been talking much, but ... if you need someone to talk to, you know where to find me, ok?"

Amy pursed her lips and closed her eyes while she nodded a few times. "That's really sweet of you. It is! But it's okay, Liam." – Amy stepped closer, for she was whispering her next words – "I know it was a bad idea, but it also was nothing more than meaningless sex. Just forget about it, ok?"

My heart stung, when Liam nodded, a smile growing on his face. Of course, he didn't know Amy as well as I did; it wasn't his fault that he fell for her big fat lie and embraced the welcomed chance to feel better about himself instead. Furthermore, I also had to admin that Amy had grown to be a rather good liar during the past few days and weeks.

Or maybe I just thought so because I had closed my eyes to her lies at some point. Because I didn't want to realize that she was developing feelings for me ...

"I'm happy you two made up."

With these last words, Amy started to walk away from us. It took me a few seconds, to snap out of my thoughts about how much these words were filled with sadness. Thankfully Liam helped me by saying my name right after Amy had left.

"Amy, wai-"

Liam forced me to stay at his side as he got a hold on my wrist before I could race after my best friend. Who, very cunningly, decided to act as if she hadn't heard me. Just like there weren't any other people that had reacted to my yelling this time around. Being her best friend though, I had seen the very short pause, the millisecond of insecurity, that was so very much Amy.

Sometimes even I thought that the intensity of our friendship wasn't normal.

"Karma, we should talk." – Liam loosed his grip on me as soon as I turned around to face him – "Like ... really talk about all this. How about dinner tonight? My parents are out, so you could come by and I'll take care of the rest."

"Sounds great.", I replied instinctively, but walked away already, "See you later!"

With that Liam was gone from my mind.

* * *

**Author's note:**

**OMG, I just realized that season 2 starts soon. Can't wait to see how they attempt to fix the mess. In High Tides, we need to work on that, too.**

**Which is why part 2 offers more Karmy. Stay tuned :)**

**And don't forget to tell me what you think of this part by reviewing, yeah?**


	8. Torn (Part 2)

**Author's note:**

**Finally– damn those last minute changes! But I wouldn't put up with them, if I didn't feel like it would help improve the story.**

**Welcome on board, Cherishedngadsden, and thank you so very much for taking the time to review, especially in such length!  
As for Liam: You'll understand in a few chapters – I have my reasons :) As Shane said: He is not that kind of guy, I agree with that!**

**Special thanks to Paul Matthews, too! ****I'm glad you're still reading this. Your review had me smiling widely, because that awkwardness is what I put special focus on :)**

**Hope you can look past the delay and enjoy this properly!**

* * *

"Amy!"

The blonde stopped this time. Probably because there was no way to fake deafness now as I was only an arm's length away from her. Since Amy didn't turn around, I stepped besides her and kept walking to signify that I didn't want to stop her in her tracks at all. My sole intention was to accompany her.

Still, not only on her way to class but on her way through life.

"Hey.", Amy replied, but avoided any eye contact. Not a good sign.  
"Hi. You okay?", I asked, raising a worried eyebrow.  
"Sure."

I bit my lip, registering and somewhat accepting the obvious lie. Of course she wasn't okay, it had been a stupid question to begin with.

"I just thought that maybe the things Liam said–"  
"Yeah, I saw you two together."

The truth dawned upon me. _So that's what this coldness is about._

"He just apologized for pushing me.", I said with a smile, "Nothing to get–"  
"He pushed you?!"

I froze, irritated by that sudden outburst. Amy seemed surprised, too, because she looked like she had just seen a ghost as soon as the words had left her mouth. She glanced around to see if anybody else had noticed, then sighed when everything was clear.

"Sorry I just ... I thought you said you ran into him and I figured you bounced off of him or something. Being the clumsy person that you are–"  
"_Me_?! _You're_ the clumsy one. Remember?"

Amy smiled at that, but to my disappointment it didn't last long. Just like every other smile or laugh I had evoked since the night of the wedding. I bit my lip again, nervously, and did it once more when the blonde brushed her hair back and then looked at me with one of her most serious faces.

"I gotta get to class, so–"  
"I'll come with you, it's the same direction, anyways, right?"

I resumed walking, but as soon as I did a bad feeling rushed through my body. My heart dropped. It took me mere seconds to notice that my best friend wasn't following. I kept walking, though, and prayed that my instincts were wrong ...

"Karma ..."

... but I wasn't that lucky.

I turned around, slowly and carefully, as if I was about to face the devil in person and its features would burn my eyes and therwith steal my eyesight forever. I met Amy's sad puppy eyes, that did just that; burn me.

Only now did I notice just how very tired she still looked. But that wasn't due to her slightly reddened eyes or the black circles under her eyes she had covered with a bit of makeup. It was the most awful thing about her appearance that forced this realization upon me: the emptiness in her eyes.

Something only I would be able to see.

"Just, ... What are you doing, Karma?", Amy asked with a voice so exhausted it stung.  
"What do you mean?"  
"_This_!"

She was sort of yelling now, which was cue for me to pull her into a little corner, so that we could have a little more privacy. Hester really didn't need to know about all of this, especially not now. Thankfully, Liam didn't seem to care about revealing our little secret either. I couldn't imagine what the added stress would've done to my best friend.

I had another good look at her, then clasped her hands with mine. Or at least I tried to, because Amy pulled her hands away just in time and hugged herself instead. I pulled my hands back, too, and did the exact same.

"Hey, I know that yesterday was sort of awkward, but can't we at least try?", I begged, "I mean, I don't want to go back to not talking, I've been up for three _hours_ and I'm already out of my mind, because all I can think about is you."

"Congratulations.", Amy's bitter voice answered, "Now you know how _I_ feel every single moment since we first kissed." – she laid her head to the side a little, teasingly – "Sucks, doesn't it? When the other part doesn't play along, I mean."

Amy watched my reaction for a while, but there wasn't much to see, anyways. I only opened and closed my mouth several times in a row, probably looking like a damn fish in the process. In the end, her features softened when she realized I wasn't about to answer soon.

"Look, why don't you go back to your boyfriend and–"

That was the triggering key word; now I knew what to say.

"Will you _stop_ this nonsense right now?! Why would you suddenly care about Liam? I don't care about him and me right now, I care about _us_!"

It scared me that Amy and I talked past each other now. We had never done that before, except for the one time a few weeks ago when I suddenly got the feeling that Amy had actually wanted to have a _real_ threesome while I had only wanted to stage one to set the wheels in motion.

With the knowledge from the wedding, I now knew that Amy really _did_ want to have this "ménage à trois" – at least sort of. Now as we disagreed again and I began to think that she really did want to push me away, I couldn't help but feel like history was repeating itself.

And that was unacceptable.

"Why would you, we're fine."  
"No, right now we aren't– _you_ aren't."  
"Oh, so _now_ you know how I feel?!"

"Amy–"  
"Amy!"

Irritated by the echo, I stopped in order to look inward. After a moment's consideration, I realized that I was being interrupted by no other than Shane Harvey – and it made me angry without thinking twice about it.

"Shane.", I growled deeply, but the boy did a very good job at ignoring me. He approached us in a hurry – a wonder he even saw us from the spot he was now coming from – and grinned widely at my friend.

"Hi sweet pie!", he said to her and hugged Amy quickly, "Look, I brought you a little encouraging pick-me-up."

He put a fairly good looking cupcake with mouth watering icing in her palm. "Pablo and I made them, he came over yesterday and forced me to help him. I never knew how much fun baking could be! He's really a great guy ... " – Shane finally had a good look at me – "... Am I interrupting something?"

"No."  
"Yes."

I hissed slightly, out of sheer reflex. There it was again; the disagreement that literally tore us apart.

"I gotta get going – thanks for breakfast Shane, we'll talk later, okay?"

Once again Amy walked away quicker than I was able to follow, her swinging backpack indicating that she was walking faster than usual. This time, I didn't call her back. For one thing, because I had lost all energy and needed to accept a recurring rejection eventually, for another thing, because I wanted to blame Shane for what he had just done.

"Sorry.", the boy said suddenly, as if he had been reading my mind, and pulled me out of the thoughts I had while staring after my best friend. When she was out of sight, disappearing into the halls of the school, I shot him my best scolding face. "I really am!", Shane added whiningly.

I sighed once more. "Lauren's right.", I then said.  
"What about?"  
"Your timing. It's pretty awful."

"Well. At least it's pretty – as meee." Shane took my hand and spun me around, while slightly dancing and answering in his best singing voice. He succeeded in making me laugh that way; I felt like the weight of the world fell from my shoulders for this small second of fun. I really missed having nothing to worry about.

"You're pretty crazy, too.", I said and flashed him a smile, which was immediately returned, "Crazy about your Pablo, obviously."  
"He's a real sweetheart.", Shane agreed vividly, "You know, I can't believe I'm saying this right now. But maybe this'll work out against all odds. I've never been the relationship kind of guy before, but being with him just feels ... right."

I nodded lightly while the whole meaning behind Shane's words seeped in. "Maybe it'll work out against all odds" – what if I had dismissed the idea of me and Amy as a couple too easily? As long as I could remember I have always enjoyed touching her. With faking being a couple, I had been able to hold her hand in public without it looking weird. That had been the absolute best part about it all, even though the kisses hadn't been bad either. Liam was the last thing I thought about.

"Aw, why the long face Karma? Things'll work out, trust me. Here."

Shane pulled a Tupperware container from his backpack, opened it and thereby held half a dozen cupcakes before my nose. "Have one of my cupcakes, too. It'll lighten your mood.", he added.

I accepted the offer without thinking twice; I hadn't eaten all morning and obviously needed new energy. Before taking the first bite though, a smile forced itself upon my face again, as I initially noticed that the icing was supposed to depict little hearts. "Seriously, Shane, you got it bad. You need to introduce Pablo to us some time, ok?", I said while biting into the little cake.

"Sure thing!"

My eyes widened with horror; I spat in reflex and nearly hit Shane with the bits and pieces of the half eaten piece of cake. The shocked young man made noises out of loathing and looked at me in pure shock – probably mirroring my face – just like a few people around us. Only for an entirely different reason.

"What the hell Karma?! They're not _that_ bad!", Shane complained, but I wasn't really listening to him anymore since my mind was moving in lightning speed now, getting back to circling around one thing – one person – alone.

And so I mumbled nothing but that person's name before I dropped the cupcake filled with peanut butter from my shaking hand and ran like my life was depending on it.

And it definitely did.


	9. Terrified

**Author's note:**

**I made it before the new episode – yey! How'd you like the season premiere last week?**

**I'm dead tired – it's 1 AM here – so please forgive me that I'm not responding directly to any of your reviews today.  
However, do know that I'm very thankful for all new follows/favs/reviews! You guys are really putting smiles on my face with that :)**

* * *

Ever since I could remember I've always loved peanut butter. The thick spread had been on my breakfast toast every day for the first five years of my life.

My mother used to joke about how I'd end up hating it one day, because I was eating too much of it and would loose interest in the distinctive taste eventually. Even though I had only been a toddler then, I could still remember clearly, how I had invariably responded that that day would never come, because peanut butter was just "way too super-duper-good to miss out on".

To this very day my opinion on that subject hadn't changed.

However, the day I had brought a second PBJ sandwich to Kindergarden, in order to introduce my favorite food to my best friend – the day we all found out that Amy was allergic – still managed to permanently convert me from a hopeless addict to a complete teetotaler in just a few minutes.

I thought back to one of the first days here at Hester High. Liam had offered one of his PBJ sandwiches to me. Having been abstinent for about 10 years, I had thankfully accepted the gesture and dug into the comforting food happily. However, ignoring my bad conscience about Amy and wanting to somewhat spite her out of anger and incomprehension by eating what I had locked away for her benefit years ago, had lasted for nothing more than two bites.

Today, I didn't even have a whole bite and already felt like I had poisoned myself.

I couldn't get the vicious taste out of my mouth and I was definitely starting to feel sick. That led to the sole conclusion that my mother had been right all along. Even if my hatred for peanut butter was caused by different reasons than she had forseen all those years ago.

"Come on, where are you?!"

I groaned in frustration as I rounded another corner and still didn't see what I sought badly. I had already checked the class room where Amy was supposed to be in less than 10 minutes, sadly to no avail. Now I was on my way to her locker, which was the only other place I could think of regarding her possible whereabouts.

My feet were starting to kill me; those boots just weren't for running. But of course, that never had – and never would, for that matter – stop me from running down the hall like a maniac.

_And if I was breathing my very last breathe right now_, I thought apocalyptically, _Amy comes first._

Just a few more steps. Amy _had_ to be there. If not ...

My frustration and fear got the better of me for a moment, especially when I finally reached my destination and didn't spot her right away. I clutched my stomach, desperately trying to calm myself down by reminding me that I hadn't eaten anything rancid and that there was absolutely no reason to barf – and certainly no time either.

"Just please don't eat that cupcake.", I prayed out loud just before I started scanning the area. I pushed myself through the thick crowds of people, getting angry at everyone who stood in my way for too long, or, the scenario which was even worse, didn't move when I was about to run them over.

All the while I mumbled Amy's name over and over again. It helped me concentrate on every detail of her, every strand of hair, every piece of clothing she was wearing today, her _smell; _every little thing that would help me see that one tree while walking through the woods.

I heard some people yell after me and assumed they were scolding me for my rude behavior. But since I had a vital mission to complete, one that they were endangering, I didn't care about what either of them had to say. I only started to listen when it occurred to me, that the exact same phrase – same voice, same emphasis, same length, probably same words, too – was repeated:

"She's over there.", was said, "Other end of the lockers!"

My heart jumped in joy when I followed that instruction and I finally saw my best friend, save and sound.  
It cramped in pure terror when she lifted the nemesis to her mouth and took a big bite out of it.

"No!", I yelled, so loud, it seemed to make the whole school jump in surprise. Thankfully, that dislodged every person between me and Amy, so that I was by her side within seconds. Which was God-given, because I needed to make every second count now, if I didn't want to spend the rest of my life alone.

"Karma- whataya- Aaaeww!"

Not only did I nearly tackle Amy to the ground, but I also slapped her hand pretty hard. Both hadn't been my intention, but my body was being poisoned by adrenaline and thereby slipped out of my control. At least I succeeded in separating the wolf in sheep's cloth from the unknowing lamb permanently.

"What the– Karma are you out of your–"  
"Where's your backpack?!"  
"Wha ... Why?"  
"Amy!", I insisted loudly, obviously scaring her now.  
"In my locker.", she replied in a worried tone, "Why, what's going on?"  
"Karma!"

Shane appeared while I fumbled with Amy's lock. At the back of my mind I realized that he had to have been following me, but what really caught my attention was the fact that my shaking hands weren't able to open that damn locker.

"Come on, come on!", I groaned in frustration several times, but at one point I even slammed against the thin metal door while saying something my mother wouldn't appreciate. At least releasing some of the tension helped me concentrate on the fairly easy task.

"What's wrong with her?", I heard Shane ask Amy.  
For a moment there was no answer, then: "I'd like to know that myself."

I didn't react to either of them though, because I was still concentrating on the lock. Just one more number and it would click open and reveal Amy's backpack with the EpiPen in it and then everything would be fine and Amy would–

"Karma!"

Said girl suddenly gripped my arm and spun me around forcefully. Her unfamiliar violence snapped me out of my little trance. I inhaled some air through my gritted teeth; he hard pull had scraped my fingers against the still closed lock.

"What the hell is going on?!", my best friend asked, "I was actually hungry, you know!"

Our eyes locked. And that was the first time I noticed that Amy was mad. Mad and _okay_. She wasn't on the ground, chocking and fighting for air. And that put away the chains around my heart, but knocked me out of my stride all the same.

"Wea– I ah ... I mean ..."

I shut my mouth as soon as I noticed I was talking gibberish again. Completely dumbfounded and lost because of the quick change of dynamics, I just went silent. Amy eyed me suspiciously and I definitely caught some other students around us looking, too.

Then I was finally able to form a real sentence.

Or rather a word; "Peanut butter.", I just said.

Despite my racing thoughts, that came in the form of grammatically correct sentences, it was really hard to even say that single word out loud without stumbling over my own tongue all over again. My head began to pound, as my brain tried to make sense of it all.

"Excuse me?", Amy's infamous confused eyebrows formed their typical shape now, "I don't ..."

"You thought they had peanut butter in it!?", Shane interjected as the invisible light bulb appeared above his head. I couldn't help but notice how ironic it was that he understood before Amy did. I shouldn't have expected anything else – we were drifting apart after all, weren't we? – but hope dies last, I guess.

It took ages for Amy's eyes to grow wide with realisation. And when the time came, I suddenly started to feel out of place like I have never before. I lowered my head to the ground and started to walk backwards, although it took me a few seconds to notice that. Maybe that was due to the fact that neither my heart nor my thoughts had stopped racing yet.

_What is happening?_

"Oh my, Karma. Why didn't you just say so before you ran off like a scalded cat?", Shane approached and was now standing closer to Amy than I was.  
"I could've told you that that" – he pointed to the half-eaten sweets on the ground – "was an "Amy safe" cupcake."  
"Wait, you went through the trouble and baked special cupcakes for me?"  
"Well, I wanted to cheer _you_ up before anything else and how could I do that with cupcakes you can't even eat?"

_She's fine. Calm down._

"Besides, that meant more time with Pablo so that's a plus."  
"That's really sweet, Shane."

_Everything is fine. No peanut butter, no problem._

"I'm sorry it got trashed, though."  
"Don't worry about it, I can always make new ones."  
"And have some more Pablo time, you mean?"  
"Exactly!"

_This isn't right. Leave, run it off_. _GO!_

I stepped from one foot to the other without really moving in any direction at all. The weirdness of the act brought all the attention back to me – and the sheer power of it broke me.

_Exposed. Run!_

"I-I'm sorry, I ... it was ..." – I started taking gibberish again and sighed. Without another word, I turned around and walked off, desperately trying to keep what was left of my pride by walking steadily instead of running.

_Funny. Always thinking about what others might think of you. Not running because you fear someone might be looking too closely, if you do._

"Karma wait–"

Conveniently, right when that words were spoken and a tear fell from my face, the school bell decided to ring. In the general chaos of school start nobody would noticed me anymore; the crowds were sure to move forward immediately, perfectly conditioned to obey that acoustic order without hesitation.

And that finally allowed me to sprint away without being too obvious about my falling apart. As soon as I was out of sight for most Hester students, I let go of every rational thought and just continued running.

I ran away from that voice, that was yelling my name and grew more and more faint with each step I took.  
I ran away from all the trouble, the guilt and the awkward moments.  
I ran away to seek warmth although I knew there wasn't any place where I could find it now.  
I followed my zombie feet on a path to an unknown destination, slowly but steadily drowning within my thoughts while I did.

I knew how I ended up here now; every minute ever since the wedding had been about trying to fix Amy, even Liam. Now I realized, there should've been more.

At first it had been a choice. I was blaming myself, because I felt like I didn't deserve to be fixed, but that had only been the start of it. I had committed every single moment to thinking about Amy and how I could make things right for her. She pushed me away, and I chased her. She pushed me away again, and I chased her again. Thing's would've gotten better eventually though. Then, after talking to Liam this morning, I had decided to do the exact same for him as soon as I had helped Amy.

I thought I had all the time in the world. Now I realized I had already bled into unconsciousness. I had ignored my own wounds so perfectly, that I didn't even realize that I had drifted past the point, where I could still help myself. I wasn't able to bandage myself anymore.

So presently, my destiny lay in the hands of fate. Like an empty energy cell on an emptied planet, I was useless. If nobody would come, pick me up and bring me to a place where I could recharge, I would remain a waste of space for all time.

_I just hope Mom ist right and there really is something like fate, _I thought.

I opened my hurting eyes – all of the suppressing of tears had tired my facial muscles – and had a good look around the area my feet had come to an halt a few minutes ago. I was genuinely surprised, even shocked, about said destination. It still managed to put a smile on my face, though.

_Maybe there is something like fate._, I thought while I dangled my feet from the school's roof top, _Maybe fate is telling me to start again. Walk into another direction from here._

"Don't jump."

The voice quoting me came out of nowhere and made my eyes pop out of my skull lightly.

_Or maybe fate is giving me another chance ..._

* * *

**Author's note:**

**Many Karma feels, because I wanted to get inside her head, even if there's chaos. Next chapter is going to be the most important yet for Karmy will finally talk! No bullshit or lies ... just the truth and real feels. I'd say we're now halfway through this story.**

**Watched 2x01 the other day :) **

**I'm really surprised about how the "real" Karma is similar to mine. Seems like I hit her character well. Not so sure about Amy yet. Kinda similar to my approach, yeah. Since she's avoiding Karma and ****feeling so very guilty. However, she doesn't seem to care about her first time, which is rather different to my approach, as you can tell. Or, what I'm slowly starting to think now, she had sex before and just never told Karma. You never hear her say anything like "I'm losing my v-card tonight", like Karma at the threesome for example. Mysterious Amy is being mysterious ;)  
****Liam's the most different, you'll find out about "my" Liam's intentions soon.  
****Really surprised about Lauren's secret btw! Just like Shane, I didn't see that one coming. But it adds so much depth to her character, which is really great! Ever since 1x08 I'm really starting to like her :) **

**Oh and what a shocker at the beginning of the "this season on Faking It" trailer – they really got me there for a moment! I hope it's really just an ice-breaker joke of Amy. Otherwise, my Karmy heart would be kinda devastated ...**

**Let's see were the series as well as this story goes :)**


End file.
